Joke of the Day

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After
two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age.

(I’m 67)

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't
resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?

'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued Ribs?

'I said, 'Not much...

my former doctor said that
all red meat is very unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing
golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'

'No, I don't,' I said.

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'

'No,' I said...

He looked at me and said, 'Then, why do you even give a shit?

Your acting dead already!

Joke of the Day

Comeaux died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Boudreaux and Thibodeaux. The three men had always done everything together.

  

Boudreaux arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Boudreaux said, 'Yup,  his face it burned up pretty bad awright.  You better roll him over.'  The mortician rolled him over and Boudreaux said, 'Nope, dat ain't Comeaux.'

  

The mortician thought this was rather strange.  So he brought Thibodeaux in to confirm  the identity of the  body.  

  

Thibodeaux looked at the body and said,  'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up.  Roll him over.'   The mortician rolled him over, and Thibodeaux said, 'No, dat ain't  Comeaux .'  

  

The baffled mortician asked, 'How can you tell?'  

  

Thibodeaux said, 'Well dat Comeaux, he had two assholes!'

  

'What? He had two assholes?' asked the mortician.

  

'Yup, we never seen dem, but everybody used to say, 'There's Comeaux wid dem two assholes.''